-You are standing in the middle of a forest, the leaves turning yellow-green in the autumn. The smell of apples is coming from the north.
>Travel north to retrieve apples
-You begin to walk north, but when you've travelled no more than 7 steps, you hear a rustling sound in the vicinity.
>Grab stick on ground and prepare for attack
-You grab a sturdy-looking branch and hold it high, all senses alert. Suddenly, a gnome crashes out of the shrubbery, his eyes wide and shiny. He's muttering to himself, but you can't quite make out the words...
>Keep up stick. Try to interrogate gnome.
-"Who are your master?" you ask, your grammar laughable. You keep the stick high. The gnome turns his head and suddenly notices you.
"I have mushrooms. You want?" he says.
>No. Ignore and continue to travel north.
-You ignore the gnome and follow the scent of the apples, which is growing stronger. The gnome follows you. "Hey, man. I got mushrooms. You want, no?" The gnome becomes increasingly more aggressive...
> I hold up the stick, and tell the gnome to leave
-The gnome snaps your fingers and your stick turns into a rabbit with a loud POP. Your eardrums are ringing... He unleashes a bloodcurdling shriek and flies towards you feetfirst. Think fast.
>I pick up a stone, and smash it against the gnome head
-You try to stumble towards a rock, but your sense of balance is off-kilter. You slip and fall. The gnome sits on you.
-You're in the middle of a forest, a malevolent gnome sitting on you. The smell of apples wafts in from the north. A rabbit is there.
>Grab the knife in pocket, stab in jugular
-You reach into your pocket for the knife, but all that's in there is a yo-yo and a largish marble. The gnome screams some gibberish. The ringing in your ears is getting louder...
>Pull the yo-yo string, wrap around neck. Put marble in mouth and pull string tighter
-Dude, a gnome is sitting on you. Try again.
>Lash around until gnome flies off, grab yo-yo, and swing into gnome's head over and over again.
-You lash around, and the gnome flies off of you. You grab the yo-yo and slam it into the gnome's brain, and again, and again, and again. His skull is crushed, and gnome brain bits are all scattered all around you. Ignoring his cries, you yell out a battle cry and keep pounding the yo-yo... and again... You're covered in blood... Finally, you stop, panting from the heat of war... Oh God... What have you done?
-You're in the middle of a forest, clutching a bloody yo-yo, covered in blood and gnome gore. A dead gnome lies nearby. A rabbit hops around. There is an unbearable ringing in your ears. The smell of apples comes from the north.
-What now, brown cow?
>I am not a cow. I am, however, very brown, Terry Brown.
-K cool bro.
>Head east
-Your head aches from the ringing in your ears, and you can't determine an easterly direction. The smell of apples is extremely strong, directly ahead of you.
>Go the opposite direction of the apples
-You flee from the apples, running fast, crashing through the undergrowth of the forest. As you run, you suddenly fall and clutch your head. You can barely think, or move...
>Pull out some ibuprofen from my pocket and take 2 tablets.
-You reach for the tablets, but all that's in there is a marble.
>Walk back to gnome corpse.
-Why would you do that?
>I want to check his pockets.
-Shouldn't you have done that before running away, wiseguy?
>No. Apples are evil.
-You stumble back towards the apple smell and the blood to the place where you think you slaughtered the gnome. God, your head hurts. The gnome lies there, his cranium bashed open.
>Is the gnome wearing clothes?
-Is this 20 questions?
>Is it?
-What?
>Check for nearby herbs
-You root around on the forest floor, and come back with a collection of herbs.
-ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: INVENTORY!
-You have acquired an inventory.
1.) Weird-lookin' purple leaf
2.) Dangerously yellow spores
3.) Green berries
4.) Bloody yo-yo
5.) Marble (in pocket)
TO BE CONTINUED
-You have acquired an inventory.
1.) Weird lookin' purplr leaf
2.) Dangerous yellow spores
3.) Green berries
4.) Bloody yo-yo
5.) Marble (in pocket)
-Now what?
>Check for rabbit
-It's there.
>Pick up rabbit
-You acquire 1 rabbit.
-ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: WILDLIFE DOMESTICATION
>Have rabbit consume portion of purple leaf
-You forcefeed the rabbit some purple leaf... Its eyes glow brighter. It looks more... aware. Of... things.
>Mix purple leaf with some gnome blood (it's a great painkiller I hear).
-You have:
1.) Purple leaf and gnomeblood concoction
2.) Green berries
3.) Dangerously yellow spores
4.) Slightly bloody yo-yo
5.) Marble (in pocket)
6.) Super aware rabbit
-Your head feels like it's on fire...
>Consume Item #1
-You eat all the bloodleaf, and the pain vanishes. You feel... hungry. Rabbit looks hungry, too.
>Look where rabbit is looking. If he's hungry and superaware, he should see food.
-You see that the rabbit is looking over at the apple smell. Now what?
>Walk towards apples, armed with yo-yo.
-You walk towards the smell, which becomes overwhelming... Your yo-yo is held high.
>Look around
-A single apple pie lies on the ground. It looks very delicious.
>Feed rabbit some pie
-You approach the pie and give the rabbit a nibble. It instantly dies.
-You acquire: Dead rabbit
>Take out pie and take pie tin
-The pie is really squishy, and you get it all over your hands. You acquire: Pie tin.
-You are still quite hungry. What do you do next?
>You eat the green berries. Then, you leave the yellow spores out for game. As a rabbit comes and eats them, it dies because they're poisonous. You skin the rabbit to make a change purse (for your marble) and eat what you can of the remains.
-K I don't think you understand the first/second person format.
-But you eat the green berries, which are horrifically sour, but fill you up. You then lay our the yellow spores and wait.
-Curiously, nothing comes or goes. The forest is... empty. Strange.
>You begin to get the feeling you're being watched...
-No, no you don't. What do you do?
>I begin to trek deeper into the forest...
-You don't know which way "deeper" is.
-The eerie silence is shattered by a roar, and an enormous purple worm explodes from the ground. Caustic spittle flies everywhere and you hear acidic hisses all around you.
>I quickly take cover behind a tree, hoping I haven't been noticed. I then take inventory of my remaining supplies.
-You have:
1.) Bloody yo-yo
2.) Marble (in pocket)
3.) Rabbit cadaver
4.) Pie tin
5.) Poisonous, poisonous pie all over your beautiful, beautiful hands
>Slowly picking up a rock off the ground, I throw the rock about thirty yards away to distract the worm.
-You pick up a rock and toss it, but the worm doesn't seem to notice. Then, with a horrific sucking noise, it begins to devour the nearby foliage.
-Think fast:
>Noticing it eat the foliage, I take advantage of this, taking the rabbit corpse, smothering it with the poisonous pie on my hands in hopes of poisoning the worm. I then take the rabbit corpse and throw it towards the foliage that is being consumed.
-You wipe your hands on the rabbit corpse thoroughly and throw it at the worm. After a quick moment, there is a dead silence. Now what?
>Look back at worm to observe its actions
-You turn back towards the worm. It's dead, some pie still left around its mouth and teeth.
-ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: TRIPLE KILL
-What do you do now?
>Dance.
-You let loose and hang free, busting out your most "flavorful" 'moves.
-A troop of gnomes approaches.
>You start dancing hardcore, and use the rabbit corpse as a puppet to try to entertain the gnomes.
-You get serious with the 'move bustin', workin' the forest floor like it's a dance club, and still not understanding the first/second person format. You reach for the rabbit before realizing you threw it to the worm.
"Oh, mighty WORMSBANE!" says the tallest gnome, "We praise you! Your dance moves reveal that you are holy!"
-Uhh... that's weird. What now?
>Take advantage of new power and ask the gnomes if they have any ingredients for a pie. If they do: Dance some more and bake your pie with the gnomes as "friends".
-"Oh mighty WORMSBANE, we will make you a glorious pie," says the tallest of the gnomes.
>SLAUGHTER ALL GNOMES
-You eviscerate all the gnomes, crushin' skulls and takin' names. You say, "I'm here to do two things: Kick ass and chew bubblegum... and I'm all out of bubblegum." Then you look back on your handiwork. You are in a field of gnome corpses, covered in blood and gore.
-...Holy cow, what is wrong with you?
>LOOT CORPSES
-You riffle through the dead corpses' pockets, you psychologically deranged maniac. You find nothing but sorrow and tears.
>USE GNOME HEAD AS HAT
-You... you rip a gnome head off and... what the hell, man? What the hell? You, uh... you put it on, and, uh, this is seriously messup, dude.
-What next?
>You next start collecting the dead gnomes' heads and line them up at various distances with their mouths open. You take the marble from your pocket and start shooting it into the gnomes' mouths and huzzah you've made a new game for children of all ages.
-You, uhh... You rip gnomes' heads off and... line them... so you can... shoot marbles. What the hell? Jesus, you are one messed up dude. A straggler gnome stumbles into the clearing, and surveys the scene. He freezes when he looks at you.
>You approach gnome with the yo-yo behind you. He backs away but before he can run you get him. His head soon becomes your exciting new bonus point zone.
-No.
-As you approach the gnome, he throws his hands up.
-"No! Mercy, sir! Mercy, O Wormsbane, Wielder of the Yo-Yo of Might! Don't kill me! I can show you a land of riches and glory! Just... just stay your hand, O Mighty one!"
The End
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