Bad Habits

You can't tell but they all have acrylic nails in this. Even the trumpet player. 

My posts have been spread lately because my computer has been packed away with the rest of my possessions. They are all packed away for a road trip that I will be taking tomorrow, but I decided to dig out my computer to write another blog post today! I've been thinking about what would make an interesting post that isn't going to be repetitive or boring for the reader. And after many minutes of thinking about topics I failed to come up with a good idea and decided to write about my bad habits instead. Enjoy.

For as long as I can remember I have clipped my nails.... with my mouth. I have been a nail-biter for a long time and probably won't stop anytime soon - not because I don't want to, but because I have tried to stop and failed. I once put a coat of nail polish remover on my nails so that whenever I would habitually bite them I would suffer from a harsh taste. Didn't stop me. I got acrylic nails super glued on for playing guitar in a mariachi band I was in, the second they fell off I would bite my nails past the end of my finger again. It is a curse I have been carrying my entire life, and I don't see myself ever being rid of it.

Another problem of mine is that I tend to let first impressions dictate how I view a person more than I should. It is for this reason that I have disliked a majority of my sibling's friends and I am so selective with the people I keep close to me. This is bad in the reverse as well because some people have left me with outstanding first impressions and it blurred my vision when they would do bad things. I would like to think that I have been improving on this because I actually recognize that I do it now.

I am an outgoing introvert - though I'm not entirely sure such a thing exists. I like to meet people and I try my best not to be shy, but I am a naturally awkward person and socializing makes me physically tired. I keep trying to change who I am by being more outgoing and I always end up looking silly or exhausting myself by doing so. I say a lot of things while thinking several other things, so I am trying to maintain my thoughts externally and internally, which is.... problematic. However, I'm not convinced I want to change this about myself because a good number of the friendships I do have can be attributed to this habit.

I am afraid of failure. I have very high expectations of myself and because of them I am afraid of not being able to measure up to the expectations. I will not try new things or take risks if I think there is a fair possibility of me not succeeding, which makes me really upset. I wish I could just change this about myself but it is much easier said than done. Whenever I wouldn't get an ideal time in a race during my competitive swimming days it would put me in a bad mood the rest of the week and I would quit talking to everyone for the remaining part of the day it happened.. Not because they did anything wrong, but because I was so mad at myself for not being able to deliver with the amount of success or efficiency I expected myself to.

I'm sure there are several other bad habits I carry with me; I am either forgetting them or don't know they exist yet. As I remember/recognize more I will come back and throw them in here, but thanks for reading and until next time!

-Umar