The Boy

I recently had a friend who I knew in high school. He was a freshman my senior year and about two weeks ago he took his own life. Unfortunately I have not been able to go to any of the events honoring him because of traveling, so I wrote something for him after I found out. He was a sweet boy and he was far too young, and I'm sorry to everyone who was affected by this. You were a boy. Life promises these things to you. We expect it. You expect it. The difference with you was that you didn't expect it. You didn't ask for anything. All you ever wanted was someone to go on a bike ride with. Someone to make up urban legends with and to go bowling on the summers with. You never had it because you were good - and people knew it. They would walk over you and give you a hard time because they knew they would get away with it. You were a simple boy and you just wanted to have fun. I think back to your smile and it makes my heart hurt. It feels like I was robbed. Two months ago you reached out to me and I was "busy". I answered with one word answers and my replies were intermittent. One month later I saw you ask for someone to talk to. I did nothing. I'm so sorry. And I'm so sorry to everyone else. You have inspired me to treat each person like it's the last time I will see them. I was your mentor for the time we knew each other in this world but now you are mine. Since you left us I have changed a lot about myself because of the emotions you invoked. Its amazing how someone who I never realized was so important to me can matter once they are taken. I hadn't talked to you much after I moved away but hearing about what happened to you hit me. Hard. You were a good human, and you will not be forgotten. You touched my heart and left with a piece of it. I dearly miss you my friend. We all love you and miss you, and we hope you are doing awesome wherever you are now.

I was listening to a song the other day and it made me think of you.

"I got myself a mission, I'm going to find heaven, I might create paper wings I think they'll carry me a while. I left you a love poem, the best I have written, my favorite words were the ones I couldn't spell. They say that I'm a lunatic, they say that I'm full of it. I say that it's worth dreaming just for the dream of it. It's all about passion. It's all about perception."

The song itself didn't have a whole lot to do with my thoughts on you but that excerpt specifically made me think of you.

My condolences go out to all his friends and family. If any of you readers need anybody to talk to just throw something to my inbox at umaratempleton@gmail.com I'll always reply.

-Umar