I believe that everything happens for a reason and even though things get bad it pays off to tough it out. Through fire comes steel. It's just a matter of lasting through the fire. Not long ago I was hit head on by several life changing events. Following these events I had various thoughts and opinions - these were not good thoughts and opinions. I suffered from anxiety attacks, lost most my friends, and hated myself. Many times I thought about calling it quits and succumbing to all the emotions flooding my mind. Emotions so strong that you could feel them run down your spine. After all of that I believe I am a stronger person; it takes much more to get an emotional response out of me. Some say that is a bad thing, but I view it as a blessing due to it enabling me to maintain a level head in tough situations.
The worst anxiety attack I had was in school pretty early into the day. It was nearing the end of first semester for my senior year of high school. I was in English class and suddenly my stomach started turning and I couldn't breathe. It isn't uncommon for me to have issues with my respiratory system due to my asthma but I get embarrassed when I use my inhaler in front of other people, so I went to the restroom. I walked in and suddenly collapsed on the ground with tears racing out of my eyes. I had no idea why I was crying, but I was. I was angry. Angry at myself for feeling the way I did. Angry at the people who contributed to causing me to feel the way I did. Angry about everything. Now the issue is that when I become unreasonably angry - I cry. The emotions of anger, frustration, sadness, and the countless other feelings I was experiencing started to take control of my entire body. I tried to use my inhaler but to no avail, the medication did nothing to improve the situation. I sat in that bathroom against the wall for about 20 minutes before I was in a fair state of mind. I decided that I had to fix whatever was going wrong, and I didn't care how long it took. And I have finally fulfilled that promise to myself.
That day was December 3rd, 2013. It is now January 11th, 2015 and I have now recognized my situation as solved. My point is that I promise you it does get better. I know you might not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel but know that it is there. Sometimes life tests you and pushes you to your breaking point.
Arise, arise
The pain is endless.
Release the bellows and cries.
Is this a test?
How long can I make it?
I've failed after trying my best.
The candle is no longer lit.
The cold is all I can feel.
I shall never forget.
The solution has been hit.
I've made my deal.
Now I commit.
Through this fire comes steel.
No more toxic butterflies.
Through this fire comes steel.
Arise, arise.
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